WRITTEN: SATURDAY MAY 18, 2013
Today's Assholes: Set and Horus (Egyptian gods)
Even mythical gods and their family members can be assholes.
According to Egyptian mythology, Geb (sky god) and Nut (earth goddess) gave birth to four kids - Osiris (oldest), Isis, Set, and Nepthys. Osiris get’s special privileges since he’s the oldest and becomes king of Egypt. He marries his sister Isis and together they rule the land.
Set is one asshole in our story. Set became jealous of her big bro and attacked him. Set killed Osiris. She then chopped him up into pieces and placed different body parts throughout the land.
According to Plutarch: Isis, being the good wife goes throughout Egypt looking for the body and holds a small funeral for each part. There was only one thing missing - his penis. So she did what she thought was fitting and gave him a wooden penis. She then used her breath to bring him back to life. Somehow, she used the wooden penis to her advantage and became preggers. He went down into the underworld and became a god of Death. She gave birth to Horus, the hawk-god.
As for Set, she would go on in power until Horus challenged for his rightful place on the throne. They faced each other in a few contests - I’m sure a bro-off was one of them or maybe a drinking contest, you can look into it later. Point is, Set cheated each time. Isis called her a bitch and had her begging for her life. Isis let Set go, Horus got pissed at his mom and became known as an asshole by the other gods. Set and Horus met in one more match: a boat race...with boats to be made of stone.
Horus built a wooden boat but used limestone to cover it. Smart asshole. Set used the top of a mountain as a boat. Set’s boat sank. The other gods were assholes and laughed. Set was pissed, became a hippo and attacked Horus’ boat. Horus fought back and was close to killing her but the other gods called the match a tie. A tie because Horus was an asshole to his mom and Set an asshole to her bro.
The gods didnt know who should be king so they wrote to the wooden package god Osiris for advice. Osiris said his son didn’t kill anyone like Set did (favoritism) and had the sun and stars go into the underworld to leave the world dark until they made their choice. The gods made the right choice and made Horus the king of Egypt.
CERTIFIED ASSHOLES.
Today's Assholes: Set and Horus (Egyptian gods)
Even mythical gods and their family members can be assholes.
According to Egyptian mythology, Geb (sky god) and Nut (earth goddess) gave birth to four kids - Osiris (oldest), Isis, Set, and Nepthys. Osiris get’s special privileges since he’s the oldest and becomes king of Egypt. He marries his sister Isis and together they rule the land.
Set is one asshole in our story. Set became jealous of her big bro and attacked him. Set killed Osiris. She then chopped him up into pieces and placed different body parts throughout the land.
According to Plutarch: Isis, being the good wife goes throughout Egypt looking for the body and holds a small funeral for each part. There was only one thing missing - his penis. So she did what she thought was fitting and gave him a wooden penis. She then used her breath to bring him back to life. Somehow, she used the wooden penis to her advantage and became preggers. He went down into the underworld and became a god of Death. She gave birth to Horus, the hawk-god.
As for Set, she would go on in power until Horus challenged for his rightful place on the throne. They faced each other in a few contests - I’m sure a bro-off was one of them or maybe a drinking contest, you can look into it later. Point is, Set cheated each time. Isis called her a bitch and had her begging for her life. Isis let Set go, Horus got pissed at his mom and became known as an asshole by the other gods. Set and Horus met in one more match: a boat race...with boats to be made of stone.
Horus built a wooden boat but used limestone to cover it. Smart asshole. Set used the top of a mountain as a boat. Set’s boat sank. The other gods were assholes and laughed. Set was pissed, became a hippo and attacked Horus’ boat. Horus fought back and was close to killing her but the other gods called the match a tie. A tie because Horus was an asshole to his mom and Set an asshole to her bro.
The gods didnt know who should be king so they wrote to the wooden package god Osiris for advice. Osiris said his son didn’t kill anyone like Set did (favoritism) and had the sun and stars go into the underworld to leave the world dark until they made their choice. The gods made the right choice and made Horus the king of Egypt.
CERTIFIED ASSHOLES.