“Thank God! Thank God! Thank God! Thank God! Thank God…I’m an asshole!”
The phrase was first uttered by professional wrestler Ken Anderson one evening to promote his rivalry with 1996 Olympic Gold Medalist turned professional wrestler – Kurt Angle. The phrase caught the attention of many in attendance but captured my imagination sitting at home. How often did one hear the word “asshole?” How often was the word said with such force and pride? In this one moment, the word “asshole” seemed to go from having a negative connotation in my mind to becoming an adjective to be proud of.
I yearned to learn more from this asshole and thanks to the power of Twitter, I found out about another asshole – Chris Illuminati. In 2010, Illuminati released a book entitled “Assholeology: The science behind getting your way – and getting away with it.” The book opened my mind to the ways by which one goes about being an asshole. I treated it pretty much as a Bible for the Asshole. The book you hold in your hands right now will not teach you to be an asshole. If you want that, you should go pick up Illuminati’s book. However, there are a few important notes I must make that come directly from Illuminati’s book:
I took my life lessons and applied it to real life situations and took great pride in calling myself an asshole. This was all during my sophomore and junior year at the University of Portland. I made sure people knew I considered myself first and foremost an asshole. Being a history major (I was also an Education major but that has nothing to do with where I’m going), I would often sit in class absorbing all the information about several key figures throughout time. One day as I dazed off in a European History seminar course, it dawned on me: This guy was an asshole. The teacher? Yeah. But more importantly, whoever it is we were talking about at the time. I thought about more figures in history and came to the conclusion that they were assholes too! I became giddy (nothing wrong with that) with joy as if I figured out life’s secret mystery!
Over the next few weeks I thought more about these asshole figures and cult of personality and realized a book should be written. The History of Assholes. This isn't it - this is a website which may end up one day being that book. You're the guinea pigs.
Let's look at history like it has never before been seen, from an asshole’s perspective.
The phrase was first uttered by professional wrestler Ken Anderson one evening to promote his rivalry with 1996 Olympic Gold Medalist turned professional wrestler – Kurt Angle. The phrase caught the attention of many in attendance but captured my imagination sitting at home. How often did one hear the word “asshole?” How often was the word said with such force and pride? In this one moment, the word “asshole” seemed to go from having a negative connotation in my mind to becoming an adjective to be proud of.
I yearned to learn more from this asshole and thanks to the power of Twitter, I found out about another asshole – Chris Illuminati. In 2010, Illuminati released a book entitled “Assholeology: The science behind getting your way – and getting away with it.” The book opened my mind to the ways by which one goes about being an asshole. I treated it pretty much as a Bible for the Asshole. The book you hold in your hands right now will not teach you to be an asshole. If you want that, you should go pick up Illuminati’s book. However, there are a few important notes I must make that come directly from Illuminati’s book:
- An asshole let’s the end justify the means.
- An asshole cares about certain people. A douche bag cares only for himself.
- The asshole’s favorite word is: no. But he never accepts the word in reply.
- The asshole rarely apologizes.
- The asshole is always right and makes very few mistakes.
- An asshole is incredibly honest.
I took my life lessons and applied it to real life situations and took great pride in calling myself an asshole. This was all during my sophomore and junior year at the University of Portland. I made sure people knew I considered myself first and foremost an asshole. Being a history major (I was also an Education major but that has nothing to do with where I’m going), I would often sit in class absorbing all the information about several key figures throughout time. One day as I dazed off in a European History seminar course, it dawned on me: This guy was an asshole. The teacher? Yeah. But more importantly, whoever it is we were talking about at the time. I thought about more figures in history and came to the conclusion that they were assholes too! I became giddy (nothing wrong with that) with joy as if I figured out life’s secret mystery!
Over the next few weeks I thought more about these asshole figures and cult of personality and realized a book should be written. The History of Assholes. This isn't it - this is a website which may end up one day being that book. You're the guinea pigs.
Let's look at history like it has never before been seen, from an asshole’s perspective.